Why am I so sad?
Life is so hard most of the time.
I am really really stressed because:
I am married to a covert narcissist that is mentally abusive and refuses to help around the house or to parent our son which leads to being constantly behind in everything. I feel totally overwhelmed all the time.
The pandemic and all of the stupid people not taking it seriously.
President Trump and all of the horrible things he has done and continues to do, and all of the blind people that follow him.
I am parallelized with fear about moving forward with a career change. Which is affecting us financially.
Tracy's cancer.
Tracy's diabetes.
I am lonely.
Tracy doesn't participate in our marriage at all.
I am afraid that I am never going to be mentally healthy because of all of the abuse I have endured and that I am not strong enough to overcome it.
I feel like I am so screwed up.
I am afraid that I have negatively affected my children because of my mental illness and the abuse that I endured. I am afraid that I too have abused them mentally without realizing it. I'm also afraid that my decisions have had bad consequences for them and their lives.
I am afraid that I will be alone or that if I do attempt to have another relationship some day that I will make another bad choice.
I cannot control my diet. I know that eating a plant based diet is the healthiest way to eat, but I cannot stick to it. I totally believe that eating dairy and eggs is abusive to the animals, yet I continue to eat dairy and eggs. I make excuses. I tell myself that I can't stop and that it's too hard. I feel like a failure because now my cholesterol is high and Dr. Taylor wants to put me on medication.
I'm worried that I am an alcoholic. I feel like I need a drink in the evening. I like the numb feeling in my head. It feels like a little break. I feel physically uncomfortable when I don't have my evening beer.
What can I do or not do?
Just breath.
Pray
Be grateful.
Keep reading about healing from narcissistic abuse
Keep working on getting Andrew to help around the house.
Learn how to set boundaries and use my voice.
Don't worry about things I cannot control.
Take baby steps.
Don't beat myself up when I fail.
Be kind to myself.
